ἀστερίσκος

Some of the most interesting stories are those that hardly ever get written, for they exceed the power of the printed word and there can be no justice in lending them the inadequate semantic and semiotic devices they do not deserve. They are told once, and then a few times more, until they retreat into the silence of memory and stay there forever. Or maybe not forever, because one day another stranger will become a part of your life and make you recall, perhaps all too quickly, the things you thought you have already forgotten. Like a bookmark to a lost chapter.


*

Minsan mo nang sinabi na lahat ng bagay ay may bilang na nakalaan. Gusto ko sanang maniwala, dahil kung ito ay totoo dapat ay matagal mo nang napagtanto kung ilang paalam na lang ang kaya mong bitawan. “Paalam, ito na ang huli,” makailang beses mong nang ibinulyaw, ibinulong. Paulit-ulit. Minsan ay isang araw lang ang pagitan. Madalas halos dalawang linggo. Pakiramdam ko, sa bawat paalam ay hindi ikaw ang naglalaho. Sa bawat paalam, ako ang nawawala. Unti-unti. Sa ngayon, hindi ako sigurado kung ano na lang ang natira sa akin. Pero kahit pano, may puso pa rin naman siguro ako.


*

The ineffable thrives in abstraction. When we try to hide what we want to say in plain sight, or negative space, metaphors gain their clarity. They stick out like sore truths, painful and unrelenting, demanding to be felt, reminding us that there is as much violence in language as there is language in violence. Which is why when we broke-up, it came naturally, as if it was inevitable: we were dragging the names of each other's families between the slurs and curses, and in the end we both felt defeated, having lost ourselves in the worst possible way we never thought we were capable of doing. For once we were monsters. For another we were our own casualties. But we have moved on.


*

Nais kong isipin na kailanman ay hindi naging hadlang ang pagkukulangan natin sa oras, sa panahon para sa isa’t-isa. Kung ano man ang sinimulan natin ng walang pangamba, tinuldukan naman natin ito na puno ng panghihinayang, o ng mga pahaging sa mga bagay na hindi natin kayang sabihin ng harapan. Duwag tayo noon. Duwag tayo hanggang ngayon. Hindi na natin hinahangad na balikan pa ang maraming mga bagay. Duwag man at maramdamin, sa pusong mapagparaya, sapat na ang minsan.

Sapat na ang minsan.


*

Asterisks are little stars. Most of the time, they do not have any meaning. But in the rare occasion that they do, they become true to their nature. They become signs.


*

Malimit kong isipin na mga munting bituin lang ang nasa pagitan ng lahat. "And yet everything is just cosmic dust," sabi niya noong una ko siyang nakilala.


*

You and me, we are part of everything. And yet everything is just cosmic dust.