Monday, April 25, 2011

How to Be Single

[Part 1 of "The Manual" series]

Imagine pleasant things, like a moment of sex that is so good you wish you had it then and there. While at that, allow your lips to gently bite themselves. Feel your fingers tremble, your pupils dilate and your chest heave. Watch your hands reach for something, probably a part of your body between your thighs. Allow it to lead you to a familiar place somewhere between heaven and earth. Suddenly recognize a desire waiting to burst out of its cocoon, a monster peering at the back of your mind, then dream. Fully awake or restlessly sleeping, it does not matter. Yours will be a lonely battle. But that's exactly the point. You are single, or just another star in the nebula.

Beer is a mighty ambrosia. It makes you invincible and brave enough to test every water. It toughens your skin into timber. It washes your soul. It will be a bath you have never had before. Let it skim through your veins like a tractor clearing the land, cleansing it of its own life so that you may die just a little bit more. Lose yourself in the thick of haze. The following morning, find yourself in a different bed. Believe Milan Kundera when he wrote that with death comes the possibility of immortality. But don't die just yet. You have the rest of your life to do that. Say a brief farewell to your sleeping partner—your prey and predator—but do not leave a note. Then, walk away.

Forget whatever happened last night and the other night, just like the rest of the nights that went before. Memory is cruel. History is a sleeping beast, an ogre. A heart, no matter how malevolent, also needs a break from every heartbreak. Let it breathe, even for a while, because you will never know when it will breathe its last, which will be a surprise you will never get to witness.

Take a ride. Take a long trip to anywhere where a map and a compass are not needed. Your primal instincts will help you get lost. In your journey, take sixty-eight random photos. Scan the images. Wonder why the photos are more beautiful than the amber fields, the trees, the afternoon sky and the people you've never met before. Recall that memory is cruel. Pictures are there to help you remember because you always forget. Your mind is a catacomb.

Go to a beach and wear your skin against the wind, the moonlight, the sea and the sand. Drift with your feet along the shore while tender waves reach for your ankles. They will let go eventually. Find a spot where the high tide won't reach you. Encamp and make fire. Eat a banana. Sing. The rest of the night will be cold and lovely. Read a book, a novel pretending to be a tutorial about how to survive in the mountains.

Climb a mountain. Marvel at how small the earth is six thousand feet above itself. Check if the book you've read is right. If it is, you will return to your apartment in one piece, most likely three days and two nights after. Otherwise, you're lost. Awaken a few minutes before sunrise to the sound of birds fluttering close by. The beach is still there; you never left. Before seven, you have to decamp. Leave the whiskey behind. A stranger might need one.

Go to a crowded mall and wear your face on the outside for the first time in a long time. Buy a cup of coffee even if you don't really drink caffeinated beverages. Sit and wait. Pretend to read the same book about surviving in the mountains, not knowing the difference, if there is any, between cities and earthen protrusions. Wait for thirty minutes more. Steal glances at the lovely stranger at the opposite table. Get a pen and a sheet of paper. Write her a letter because you don't know her name and you want to know. Address her as "beautiful stranger" and smile at the silly thought. She will look at you and wonder what you are writing. Before you could give her the letter, she will leave. And she will leave behind the same bottle of whiskey you abandoned several days ago. Keep it.

Hand-over the letter to the lady barista. Don't forget to smile and to watch her smile back. Leave quietly, still wearing the face when you arrived. You begin to think that the lady will wait for your return. Of course, you won't come back. And of course, you thought wrong.

Buy a hamburger. If there's any, separate the cheese. Throw it away. When you're single, you don't want anything that has something to do with cheese. You only want two things: meat and buns, preferably warm.

Understand that nine o'clock in the evening is not the best time to go home. It's too early and too late for everything. Debate with yourself. You'll win the argument at the cost of losing it. Thereafter, patiently wait in line. The train station is dense with countless other single men and women. Suddenly, you are home again, imagining pleasant things.

Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5


Midnight Orgasm said...

And. Make yourself at ease with midnight orgasm.

Désolé Boy said...

thank you for this.
the current state of my personal nation is in dire need of something like this. awesome!

Spiral Prince said...

Oh the tangled webs we get ourselves caught in. :)

SPLICE said...

Thanks for "wall" link :) What happened to your other blog? I can't find it.

@Desole Boy
The world, it seems, is full of single people. Reminds me of Message in a Bottle by The Police. Thanks for reading!

@Spiral Prince
Very, very tangled! :)

sub said...

i think ill borrow some of the lines here pretty soon, you dont mind right? ill give you due credit naman ehh :P

alam mo, dumating din ako sa ganyang point ehh but when i surpassed it, im actually enjoying it! im silently wishing maging single ako forever! hahaha isipan mo nga ko ng ways to lose my guy!

oh btw, thanks dear for the greetings. i really really appreciate it. deeply.

tara na, halo halo na tayo!

SPLICE said...

Sige lang, borrow the lines you would like to borrow :)

Oh pano na, saan na yung halo-halo ko? hahaha :))

iamim said...

Hey, you know what!! I read this post last week and it gave me a lot of audacity to finally break through my wallls and finally drink, well you know! beer. For 20 years of being here on earth, i always get scared of plunging any amount of beer. So what happened was I totally got the spirit, as I was saying! and finally decided to have me some beer. It sucked dude... hahaha..maybe first tries ain't always that glorious...well anyway, thanks a lot..that is the true power of a transcendant writing...

iamim said...

got some inspiration from the 2nd,,beer,,beer,,

SPLICE said...

Your first taste of beer must have been awful, but you'll get used to it soon enough.

Sometimes I think I fail in my attempts to tinker with fiction and irony. It's a different story altogether. In any case, I thank you for reading and leaving your comments. I appreciate it.

tara05angelee said...


SPLICE said...


gord said...

woah. reminds me of myself.

great post. great mind you have there. patambay tol!

SPLICE said...

Sige lang tol, walang problema. Salamat sa pagbasa/pagbisita sa blog ko.